I had the privilege of leaving work early yesterday. Well, I guess you could say it was less of a privilege and more of a “you are a bad lesbian” reality check. It started snowing around 5pm… only 3 hours into my shift and I chose to leave because I have never driven in the snow before. When it comes to driving and cars… I did not inherit the ability to fix them, or park them. ( I am probably the worst parker you will ever meet ). The only thing I inherited was the ability to look super gay driving my dads truck while wearing my token piece of flannel. The flannel enhances the facade that I could bust out my tool box or jumper cables at any moment and perform my butch fix-it magic. Nope. Unfortunately, I am a fraud. I think my 3 years of being a domestic goddess are to blame.
Truth is, I have run many more miles in the snow than I have driven.
Miles run in the snow = 100+
Miles driven in the snow = 0
I lived in Germany for nine months. Most of those months being winter months. It’s not like I have never seen snow before.
I used to love to run in the snow. There was something about it that was so peaceful. I could step out my front door, off of the military base, and into the German Forest. It was like entering my own Narnia.
When it snowed, the forest was completely silent. All I could hear was my breathing, footsteps, and the loudest of all–my thoughts. It was one of these snowy days that I broke down in the middle of the forest. Leave it to me to save my tears for a time when they would nearly freeze my eyes shut. I fell to my knees and asked God why I was here. Why couldn’t I just be happy, and how was I going to get myself out of Germany let alone a marriage. I was so scared. Thinking about it still gives me goosebumps.
Sometimes when I feel fear creeping up on me, I think back to this day and see how different my life is now and how everything has worked out. I had never been so scared in my life but somehow I made it through. God took care of me, and I survived. I made it home and followed my dreams into culinary school. I forget sometimes that there have been so many things that I have been fearful of but I haven’t yet experienced a time where tackling the fear has brought out more negatives in a situation than good. Where would I be now if I had let my fear stop me? Failure is probably one of my biggest fears, but when I think about it…failure doesn’t really exist as long as you learn from it and pick yourself back up. Like a good friend once told me. “Failure is the best teacher.”